Computer "Speak"

Had fun with the "Bird Talk" [SEE: last blog entry] so I thought of sharing something similar today (accompanied by photos, of course) which I received via an email quite a while ago.

Laptop = where the cat sleeps
Software = plastic knives & forks
Hardware = stainless steel knives & forks
Search Engine = what you do when the car won't start
Yahoo = what you say when the car starts again



Window = what you shut when it's cold
Screen = what you shut in the mosquito season
Byte = what mosquitoes do
Bit = what mosquitoes did
Mega Byte = what mosquitoes do at the dam




Mouse = what eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe = what holds the shed up
User = the neighbour that keeps borrowing things
Server = the bloke at the pub who brings the lunch
Cursor = the bloke that swears a lot

Web = what spiders make
Web Site = the shed
Keyboard = where you hang the house & car keys
Hard Drive = trip back home without any cold beer




Network = when you have to repair the fishing nets
Internet = complicated fish net repair
Netscape = when fish manoeuvre out of reach of the net
Chip = a bar snack
Micro Chip = what's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips
Modem = what you did to the lawn

Bird Talk

Some people (hug or) talk to trees ..... whilst birds talk to me. You don't believe that? Well - check it out! I'll even translate/interpret what they say.


"Yes, howzit," said the Kori bustard (= 'employing' a typical/traditional South African greeting). Translation: 'How are you?' or 'How are things?' often accompanied by 'yes' for emphasis. [Reply: "Jawelnofine" = "Ja well, no fine" roughly meaning: Okay]






"Eish!" (from Zulu language expressing frustration, outrage or surprise) "Can't you leave me alone?" asked the Ground hornbill.

[Explanation: As you can deduce, not all birds "smaak" (= like) my pressence]



"Jislaaik!" (also an expression of outrage or surprise = obviously these 2 Wattled plovers also don't appreciate my pressence!?) "Tune us no grief." (= expressing aggravation because they feel harassed?).


"Lekker geklap, hey?" [I'm not sure if this Grey heron directed this at me or at an 'unseen other' because a translation of this can't possibly apply to me!?: 'geklap' = very drunk; 'lekker' = nice - used to express approval of anything or everything and not only the taste of food; 'hey' is used to emphasise what has been said but can also be used instead of 'excuse me?' or pardon me?' when you are uncertain about something directed at you].



"I smaak you stukkend." (in Afrikaans 'smaak' = 'taste', but used here to describe 'like'; 'stukkend' = broken) Therefore what the Redbilled woodhoopoe is telling me: "I love you to bits."


"Don't be a mampara." (from Sotho languages; 'mampara' = 'silly person' or 'idiot'). Again I'm questioning if this Burchell's coucal is actually directing this at me?






"Voetsek!" (very strong language for 'go away' or 'buzz off'). Again, who is this female Spotted dikkop talking to?






"Hey, you biscuit!" (in South Africa a 'cookie' is a 'biscuit' but is also used as a term of affection) - now: is the Blackcollared barbet saying that to me or the Speckled mousebird also featuring on the photo?







"Welcome to Mzansi!" This greeting (from an ostrich = to make visitors feel at home) you'll often hear if you visit our country ('Mzansi' = Xhosa word for South Africa) e.g. during the forthcoming Soccer World Cup [SEE: my blog-entry 4 Jan 2010] - now you are a little "prepared" with regard to some of the slang used in our country.

Oh yes, and there's one more word you'll hear with regard to the Soccer World Cup: Ayoba! (= fair play).

Feared Creature

Question: Is this the most feared creature in Africa? Or put differently: Should humans fear a leopard more than any other wild animal?









What about a crocodile? Is a Nile crocodile more dangerous than a leopard?






Then again, what about a lion? Isn't a hungry lioness on the prowl even more dangerous?

Answer: yes, all of the above are dangerous wild animals BUT ...


... statistically, more hippo (= hippopotamus) have killed humans in Africa than any other wild animal!

Surprised?
If yes, let's take a closer look at this "killer":

A characteristic feature of this formidable amphibian is its barrel-like body; it has a massive head with small ears and protruding eyes, as well as web-toed feet - although a hippo rather walks on a river's bed than swim. Hippos usually emerge from the river at dusk & then graze on land at night on well-beaten paths. That's where & when humans should steer well-clear of hippos because ...



... hippos have enormous canine and incisor teeth which can inflict terrible wounds and at worst, are known to have cut a person in half!








Conclusion: when hippos are in the water they aren't as dangerous than when on land - although opening their mouths wide certainly isn't "yawning" (= that's a myth). Instead it is a sure sign of aggression!

2010 Triumph

By now the whole world knows that the FIFA Soccer World Cup will be hosted by South Africa - this year!! (11 June - 11 July) SA will also be the first African nation to host the world Cup.

Wherever you travel in our country you'll find this "sign" (left) - mostly where accommodation is on offer.





"What was" - the Confed-Cup last year (2009) which was also hosted by/in SA with great success.

Our soccer team is known as Bafana-Bafana, meaning: "the boys".







"The Draw" (groups, games, locations & dates) for the World Cup took place in Cape Town on 4 Dec 2009 - & I was there! (accompanying a German group as tourist guide). What mayhem! The "street party" (in Long Street) was right behind our hotel & wherever you went there were reminders of this BIG occasion, e.g. a large soccer ball (above) at the V&A Waterfront .....


..... or this "cake" (inside the Pick&Pay supermarket also at the V&A Waterfront) .....







..... and at the airport in Cape Town one couldn't
miss Zakumi = the official World Cup mascot (= a "cute" leopard) next to an advertisement featuring the golden World Cup.








Since the beginning of 2009 Zakumi already featured on coke tins (= Coca Cola was one of the first to visibly "advertise" this).



One of 10 stadiums (to be used during the World Cup) = the Greenpoint Stadium in Cape Town; capacity = 70 000 supporters; to be played here: 6 first round fixtures, 1 second round & 1 quarter final match.


The Mbombela Stadium in Nelspruit, where apparently 4 matches will be played; do the "visible" giraffes act as a reminder that the Kruger National Park is nearby?


And this is my favourite - Soccer City (= 1 of 2 stadiums in Joburg/Jozi - the other: Ellis Park) = known as the "calabash" (although it also reminds me of the rings worn by Ndebele women around their necks or ankles). Here the opening ceremony & final will take place (as well as other matches). It can seat 95 000 fans/supporters!